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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We’ve already had rifts between one sibling and the rest. I predict a rift between “the kids” and at least one adult grandchild.

Just imploring those of you still sound of kind and body to make considerate and effective plans for your future. It is cruel for you to insist on aging at home if you can’t afford hired help. I know you think that your children will joyfully care for you, but you can’t predict what life will throw their way. I have reached the point where I can care for myself, my ill spouse, and my minor child OR I can make my dad’s dream of living on his own come true. He is a drowning man pulling me under. It looks horrible for me to step back, but I never agreed to do this. It was foisted on me mid-crisis and I am being honest that I’m in crisis now. Please, please do not do this to your children and grandchildren. I’m sure a bunch of the usual posters will chime in that they wish their mom or dad was still alive so they could do 40 hours of eldercare a week while also working full time, trying to help a spouse through cancer treatments, and raise a child. Fine. Can you take my place? [/quote]

Your dad did plan for his retirement and this is what he planned - to age in place inside of his home.  He will either need to live with that choice or sell his home and find a more suitable arrangement.

He can not expect you to drop everything in your own life to make his lifestyle doable for him.  He either can live independently or he can't live independently and needs to either hire help or move.  I don't mean to sound like a hard azz but old age is not for sissies.  We will all get to that point and we need to plan as best as we can for it.

Hinging your retirement plans on "Well, my adult children will be doing X, Y, Z for me" is NOT a plan.  It is an attempt to kick the can of responsibility over to your kids.  [/quote]

This.  It's difficult, OP, but you need to take the position that he made this choice, and therefore he needs to deal with it.  He can't force you to.  [/quote]

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