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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
1. [b]Most adults have a very poor understanding of female fertility and how it plummets in their 30s. Your husband was probably not aware of how risky it was to wait. [/b]Moreover, this board is full of lucky 30-somethings who somehow got pregnant after multiple failed attempts, aided by technology, so it can happen.

2. If your husband does not want children at all, yes, you could divorce. But if he does, why don't you adopt? You are not too old for that, and with your profiles, I'm sure you two would be attractive. I know a couple of academics who adopted domestically when they were 50. [/quote]

I told him, showed him studies, brought him to the doctor who also told him, and he chose to insist on taking the risk anyway. This is the problem for me that I can't get past. He ignored me pleas, warnings, and now the thing he ignored is coming true. I no longer trust him or want to be with him because of how he behaved around this. [/quote]

I believe you, but those things never register. He probably didn't want kids are much as you - which doesn't mean he won't love them to bits if they do come! Also, other posters might be correct that he viewed a stable home as a priority.

My husband is a selfish academic (ADHD/Asperger's), so on some level I get it. Take it from me: you MUST let go of this anger, it's not healthy for you. You must not let anger dictate your actions. Otherwise you will live to regret it. Be creative.
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I appreciate your reply. I am finding it very difficult. The root for me I believe is that I had an upbringing with a very dismissive/invalidating parent and my other parent died when I was a baby so I didn't have another parent to balance that dynamic. To me this is a very big thing trigger, that I was dismissed and my priorities/desires/feelings were pushed to the side. When we got engaged we both thought we'd start a family in a year or two. So we hadn't pre-discussed how to handle it if he didn't get a job for as long as it took him, unfortunately. And when things went sideways it felt like it was all about him and his career and what he wanted and not about my priorities, which he aggressively silenced and dismissed. And now I am the one peeing on sticks, going to fertility appointments, and getting disappointed month after month. I also now make almost 2 times as much money which is kind of a miracle considering that my career was sidelined for his. So what was all this fuss about? He could have gotten a stable job doing anything if he wanted to and providing for his family was the priority. But it wasn't. His ego was the priority. [/quote]

PP you replied to. Right, and my parents were not the best either. You sound like you hang on to a lot of resentment, blame everyone around you and refuse to take responsibility for your own life. I was like that too, years ago, but I realized it wasn't getting me anywhere. Sure you can separate now. It's best if the love is gone and nothing can be salvaged. However looking at it from the outside, your anger is misplaced. Make your decisions with cool and clear logic, not because "it's all his fault".[/quote]

I picked someone like my dismissive parent and I don't want to spend the rest of my life with such a person. If you don't get it that's fine but it is not my plan to sit around angry but instead to live my life on my own terms. [/quote]

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