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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]41 here, three kids, never married. One on they way.

Lessons learned:

1. Always be your own #1.  Always. When you find yourself falling into the trap of perceived lack ( lack of spouse, lack of finances etc) remember that there are those who wish they had a quarter of what you do.

2. People/Relationships change. I asked my 94 year old grandmother once what she would have gone back and done differently. She was married to my grandfather for over 60 years to his death. Her answer: “I would have left your grandfather around year 25 and lived a free life.”

3. Cherish what you have each day. If you do decide to marry, do not marry for fear of being alone. Live your life with kindness and joy and you will never be alone.[/quote]

Are you with a long-term partner?[/quote]

Yes. My long-term partner is called Resilience. People, on the other hand, come and go.

Young Jedi, what you seem to be stuck on is this concept that another human being will commit to making you number one for the rest of your life.

This is a impossible feat.

The ideation of growing old together, constantly supporting each other, being equally yoked... all that is for the movies. Reality is that being “partners”, just like any other pairing of human beings, is generally more one-sided most of the time for a multitude of reasons.  You’re in for a life in the Relationships forum.

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I am kind of with you. I want the movie aspect of love/LT relationship and I have zero desire to deal with the real stuff (particularly the day to day stuff).[/quote]

Ehhhh - I got married in my late 30s. I married someone who really does put me first. Do we get along every second of the day? Hll no. Do we have the perfect life together, seamlessly enmeshed? No of course not. And my marriage has *plenty* of frustration and compromise.

But I have to say that one of the things I really do love about marriage is that I have someone who is on my team, all the time, no matter what. I was miserably unhappy in previous longterm relationships, because I didn't have that feeling of partnership (though the sex was good, and/or there were other things to make them worthwhile while I was in them). But I truly do believe that my husband loves me as much as my dog and my mom. It's why I am willing to make the compromises, that living in a house with another person requires.

Anyway, just a plug for marrying someone who DOES make you feel like you have a true partner, if you do decide to get married.
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