Reply to How to survive an unhappy marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Divorce is off the table due to 2 elementary-aged children and our social life as a couple is deeply intertwined with our extended families and church community. We've been married for 15 years and our sex life has been non-existent (maybe 4-5x a year at most) for the last 5 years. We hardly touch and I sleep in the guest room. My wife is superficially friendly towards me but detached emotionally. She was't exactly warm or emotionally open to begin with, just 'pleasant.' This should've been a warning sign in the beginning but I was just happy to find an attractive, 'uncomplicated' woman. She didn't come into the relationship with any emotional baggage or glaring psychological issues so I thought I hit the jackpot.[/quote] Well at least you didn't string her along.  You should be applauded for that.  Otherwise, you are a narcissistic sociopath.  I just learned that today.  Yes, I am that guy.[/quote]
[quote=Anonymous]
I've tried everything I can possibly think of to re-ignite the spark of passion, including earning a six figure income, losing weight, taking her out for date-nights and showering her with gifts and flowers. I asked her to go to couples therapy with me or to speak with our pastor together but she says our personal life is no one else's business. I don't think [b]she actually believes there's anything wrong with our marriage.[/b] I have sought out individual counseling but all I got out of it is that [b]in order to transform my marriage, my wife has to believe there's a reason has to change it. She's comfortable with the way things are [u]but I'm miserable[/u].[/b][/quote]  I do pity you and so many married people.  This is not a selling point for ever getting married again.  Your sex life is held hostage by a spouse who doesn't care what it's doing to you.  She is content.  That's all that matters.  You know deep down there is no hope for her to change her mind.  Yep, I'm that guy too.[/quote]

[quote=Anonymous] I don't know what else to do except pray that she feels the need to reconnect with me one day.
[/quote]I'd pray for you too and everyone else stuck in a sexless marriage, but it's not going to make a difference.  I'm sorry I don't have any advice to offer.  Some will say, you need to threaten her with...divorce, etc.  That's not going to work unless you are serious enough to actually initiate it.  Even then, the threat of divorce is not going to revive her libido.   At best, she may give you some pity sex for a few months to shut you up.  All you can do is work on yourself and where, she has detached physically, you need to detach emotionally.  That said, you probably aren't getting any sex for at least several more years (and not with her) by what you've posted here.[/quote][/quote]

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