Reply to Struggling to accept gender nonconforming son

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP has two separate issues going on, the GNC and the POC.  I echo the PP who mentioned your son is an outliner in his community and if he was in an environment where there were more kids like him perhaps his views would be different.  I know you are dealing with a double whammy, I wouldn't be able to touch on where you can find many POC GNC kids in the DMV for your son to hang out with so he isn't an outliner.

But separately, I can touch on the POC outliner.  My nephew and niece are biracial but they are very dark so the world sees them only as black.  My sister (who is white) put them in daycare and later in a school where they were the only POC in their homerooms.  And then my niece, who has beautiful curly natural hair, started saying to my sister she hated her hair, that she wanted to be white, that she wanted blonde hair, that black people hair is dirty/smelly and didn't like her skin. After speaking to her teachers and asking my niece, it doesn't appear any kids were saying this to her, she came up with these conclusions on her own and the guidance counselor at school suggested that it is probably because all her friends are blonde hair/blue eyed white.  She doesn't see anyone else like herself at school (and probably not very much in the media, tv, etc, but that's for another thread).  My point is, when your son is the only POC among his friends, it is human nature to want to fit in and be like the others, hence his statement re black people.

Get him around some other POC children.  Good luck. [/quote]

Unfortunately I don’t think media/TV is a substitute:( We have always gone out of our way to have abundant books/dolls/tv shows from my DHs culture that shows people who look like him and our daughters. [b]And yet my eldest daughter regularly says things like “it’s not fair that you (mommy) have yellow hair and I don’t” and “brown hair is ugly” and “you can’t be a princess with brown hair”.[/b] I’m 100% sure no child or teacher at school is saying these things. Literally she watches 3 different tv shows with brown haired princesses! I think she really needs to be around other real people who look like her and I regret ever thinking media would help address that need.[/quote]

Gee, I’m a brunette with a blonde mother and I never had such hangups about having brown hair. This isn’t typical. [/quote]

It’s different when you are a person of color in a predominantly white setting. My friend just pulled both of her adopted Asian daughters from public school and is going to homeschool them with intensive therapy the rest of the year because of their self-esteem and the older girl’s obsession with eyelid surgery. [/quote]

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