Reply to My single friend wants to be a mom

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a single mother by choice. There are many in DC.

THE pro, if you are certain you want to be a parent, it is endlessly rewarding despite the (MANY) challenges. It took me three years of research and thinking, consulting doctors, talking it through with friends before I decided to pull the trigger. I didn't have a very easy road, but I started trying at 36 and had my child at 38. At 40, she may have to opt for donor eggs/embryos. She should see a doctor regardless to get an idea of where her fertility stands.

HOWEVER:

The part that jumps out at me is that she's never been in a relationship. There is a relentlessness to being a single parent (no matter how you end up that way) that might be a challenge if she doesn't connect and form deep bonds. If she has a high income, she can throw a ton of money at the logistics of parenting, so her inflexible schedule would present challenges, but would not be a deal breaker. But she won't get much out of parenting if she is bogged down emotionally by the utter lack of personal space, time, resources (financial, physical, mental, it goes on...) and with no family or close friends (do you consider yourself a close friend?), she really needs to see a therapist to talk through her motivations - which is part of the IVF process anyway. I have no family in this country and even my close friends are of ZERO real help with my child beyond planning occasional nights in or out to socialize. It is exhausting and financially draining. I'm loving it, but I am also wiped out.

So back to that one big PRO: If she feels that she has an endless supply of love and patience and can handle the unrelenting neediness, she should definitely do it. It is hands down the best decision I've ever made.

Incidentally, I did meet someone who turned out to be a long-term partner so it's certainly possible - if she has the disposition for it.[/quote]

+1
The part that jumped out was she's never been in a serious relationship, meaning she has not had to practice a lot of patience, compromise, sharing space or doing something she doesn't prefer with someone else. A child in his/early years is relentlessly needy and takes so much out of the parent physicallybut also emotionally. You can call in sick for your day job but being a mom, you're at the back and call of your infant/toddler/preschooler's needs 24/7, 365 days. Is she ready to give up a lot of control to be a responsive parent? Parenting is rewarding and my two young kids are the love of my life, but it takes so much sacrifice and compromise (your time, money, your freedom and such). [/quote]

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