Reply to Wife chronically depressed, blames everyone everything for her unhapiness&unfullfillment, I want out

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Wife chronically depressed, blames everyone everything for her unhapiness&unfullfillment, I want out"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]Whoa my goodness -- I feel such compassion for you both.  I think she needs a change of scenery.  That sounds like a flip statement but I think that many women are overwhelmed by the mistake of having chosen a traditional family life.  In the beginning of your marriage and in early motherhood did your wife carry her fair share or more of the housekeeping/financial burden? No one would ever like it to be said but the refuge into depression can sometimes be an attempt -- however unconscious -- to get the break necessary to recharge that society refuses to grant able-bodied women in their right minds who are told that their worth is equal to what they do for their families.  I have known many women in this stage of life with 'walking' depressions who did not dare collapse because they had no stable; strong co-parent to pick up the slack.  Are your kids truly suffering as a result of her detachment?  This may be something you can bring up obliquely in order to motivate her to return to therapy.  If she is already on medication then the physiological component of the illness is not necessarily the decisive one.  If I were you I would probably ask myself how I needed this spouse.  Is it the spouse's labor and role as a mother that is the tie or, in the event of a separation, would you genuinely feel the loss of the spirit that she is/was before depression overtook her?  What do you require in a partner going forward?  I would want to know the answers before moving forward.  I am pretty sure that there is also a chance that separation will increase, rather than diminish, financial pressure you face.  The fact is that you are the sole source of income and if she can be classified as medically unfit to work you may be required to continue to contribute toward her support.  If she says you are not hearing her it may be useful to sit down and listen in a way that is nearly impossible -- without the filter of self-interest.  Quite often DH feels that wishes I express contain imolicit criticism of him for failing to make me happy.  We have had iterations of this 'discussion' when we both worked and had no kids, when I stayed at home with young kids, and after my return to work.  What is it exactly that she wants you to do? Or refrain from doing? How can you know when you have succeeded? Where are the goal posts?  If she says something like 'I want to be surprised' or 'I miss spontaneity' then you should probably call her female relatives or friends and ask them for clarity.  Sometimes it is hard to say what you want to the person who is closest to you. I hope these thinking points are helpful to you and that your desperate situation improves.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics