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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I think it's fair and reasonable to think this through, to a certain extent.  DH and I live literally exactly halfway between my parents (and some extended family) and his.  It's a 4-5 hour drive to either and even this was/is a LOT until our kids were older.

However, I think beyond some reasonable boundaries, you just can't make your parents see this, and also TBH you may not want to have to host your parents once you have a baby/young kid.  I would have some discussion with your DW about how often you both think it's reasonable to travel to them (once a year?  Every 6 months?) and then just do that.  Like PPs have said, your parents will figure it out at some point without you mentioning that it's unfair they don't/won't travel as much.[/quote]

This.

The discussion is with DW. And not until after the baby is here and you both have had time just to be new parents.

You are overthinking this by wanting to do a formal discussion so early, weighing "do we involve BIL" etc. etc. Ficus on enjoying your wife's company now and happily anticipating your baby--not trying in advance to control something that is going to end up being determined over time.

When you DO eventually invite the parents: BEFORE you invite, you and DW have the logistics set up (hotel reservations if they'd stay in a hotel or a setup at home that does not stress you or DW). Issue specific invitations with starting and ending dates, not vague "Come visit this fall" tentative stuff. Say, "March 8 through 12 works for us. We could go to Event X that's on then, and dad and I could go to Thing Y we both like while Mom and DW go to baby's mom and me class together. You could drive home the morning of Sunday the 12th -- easier traffic and we both have to be at work Monday." I other words, be specific and intentional in issuing invitations and don't put out vague ones. Do not host them in the house unless you truly are fine with it. Be clear if you want them in a hotel: "You'll sleep better because we're up with baby 3x a night still and not fit to see anyone til about 10, ha!" Etc.

But you don't do all this now.

And you do not take baby seven hours anywhere for quite a while. [/quote]

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