Reply to Feel like the happiest marriages/couples are childless.... just me?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it’s different for different people. I think there’s a small subset of childless people who never wanted kids, never blinked about it, and are thrilled.

I think there’s another group of childless people who are childless because they seem to know, even if they don’t say it out loud, that their marriage could never handle the stress. They delay having a kid, sometimes until it’s too late, because they don’t want to rock the boat. Most of the child free divorces among the under 40 set that I’ve seen seem to fall into this category.

I think there’s another group of people who are in great relationships but don’t want kids, or delay them until the last minute, because one or both of them have a lot of baggage from their upbringing, and they just don’t want to risk going there.

While I’ll get flamed for this, I think a lot of childless couples are just simply untested and that’s why they appear happy for now. Having a child is intense. Waking up every few hours, being unable to just pick up and go, infant care in major metro areas costing over $2k/kid, balancing two jobs, the list goes on... I’ve seen the baby/toddler years get the best of couples that previously seemed incredibly happy.

Adding children to a marriage can often make things that would not be a problem in a no-kid marriage into a massive problem (e.g. husband with ADHD).

So, no, I don’t think that child free people are happier. I think oftentimes the just might be in a relationship that isn’t well equipped to muscle through something difficult and thrive under pressure.

Sort of off topic, but I think the reason many second marriages are able to survive is due to joint custody. I’ve known a few couples like this, where the shared custody seems to act as built in babysitting for the new couple. While second marriages are a whole other ball of wax, they’re able to escape having the constant pressure of the little kid, or teen years, or whatever on them, 100% of the time.[/quote]

So, they are happier because they aren't miserable. Okay. :)

You could also say that happy couples with children are only happy because they haven't been tested enough by having a child die from leukemia, or dealing with a parent with aggression from dementia moving in with them, or what have you. [/quote]

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