Reply to How to explain to my mom her bitterness towards my dad is becoming painful?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]YOU need therapy. Obviously your mom does too. Think of yourself as a child going through your parents divorce, because you still are despite being an adult.  Any child in your shoes would be seeing a therapist. You are pushing all your feelings on the fact that you have to care for your mother’s emotions. But you have a lot to deal with emotionally yourself. [/quote]

OP here - I am in therapy. [/quote]

Okay then... [b]what does your therapist say you should do?[/b][/quote]

+1[/quote]

OP here. Are people who have therapists not also allowed to post on DCUM for advice? Since the tone of the PP's comment is that I shouldn't be here with the situation since I'm in therapy....

And to write her a letter, since conversations are always derailed. I did so, and it hasn't been effective thus far. [/quote]

That is not what I meant. I was wondering what your therapist said you should do.

I don't know how old you are, if you are 20ish you might be too young to understand but eventually you will literally not care what she says. You will have no physical, mental, or emotional reaction to her words. That is a long road and I was trying to gauge what stage you are at.

Right now all you can do is create boundaries (limit contact) and let it roll off you back.

With a few years of work with your therapist you will learn that your mom is not your responsibility, her words and her actions have nothing to do with you, you can't stop her and you can't fix her.

Right now I suggest when she complains you said, "that suck" "that must have been hard" or some other semi supportive comment... don't pose solutions.... and in your head you say, "I can't fix this, I can't fix her" then change the subject.  [/quote]

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