Reply to Failing marshmallow experiment. Advent calendar is a special kind of torture

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The marshmallow test seems like a weird gauge for future success[/quote]
It's an indicator of executive functioning skills, which taken all together are good success predictors.

What I want to know OP is - did she eat all the candy out of the advent calendar yet?!   :D [/quote]

Not yet. She’s opened extra doors. She’s eaten the chocolate earlier than we had agreed that day. She has cried a lot. She has paced back and forth in the living room staring the thing down. [/quote]

New poster. Please go back to the post that suggested hiding it then distracting her immediately. She will whine about that at first--you get that, right? But if you can be very quick and consistent each time it should get at least somewhat easier.

I wouldn't put it as harshly as some PPs above have, but OP, it does sound a bit like you are expecting self-control from her at four that isn't entirely age-appropriate. Maybe it's because your older child was "easier."  I had a pretty easy four-year-old who could deal with deferred gratification fairly well. But it's really pretty typical for a preschooler to focus hard on and fret about things like knowing candy is Right There and not being able to have it Right Now. It's new and frustrating behavior to you but rest assured it's typical--she doesn't yet have the self-control you want. It'll come.

Distract, redirect immediately, move to another activity (if possible, outside the house--move the daily calendar opening to a time right before you walk out the door with her to go somewhere, so she's not pacing around the house having just had the candy).

Plan ahead for how to handle it if she really tantrums. If she throws a fit it's fine to take away that day's candy as long as she knows in advance that she could lose candy that same day, and as long as she gets at least one warning and the opportunity to change her behavior. If you make the rule clear (have her repeat it back to you), and then also warn once, and she still tantrums etc., she loses the candy that day. Go in later and remove it and don't let her have it the next day or she learns that a fuss one dY gets her two pieces the next day....But if you can open, remove calendar, distract and preferably go out, all quickly, you may never get as far as taking away candy.[/quote]

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