Reply to Would you cut off an evil, toxic mother?

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Reply to "Would you cut off an evil, toxic mother?"

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[quote=Anonymous]As kids, we aren't given a choice in who we love.  We love even before we're able to understand, express or even identify what the feeling is.  We are conditioned to love those who raise us no matter how cruel, abusive or inappropriate they are.  I love my father who was a violent alcoholic who went into destructive, abusive rages every 5-7 days.  I was conditioned to love him.  When he killed himself when I was 20, I was grief stricken.

Although I grieved my father when he died, it is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  I was free of him and could complete my healing.  It took a long time because I was so very conditioned to love him and hated to accept just how evil and vile he was.  If he were still alive, I can imagine how difficult it would be take that first step to completely sever a relationship with him.  Yet, it would be the right decision.  I'm healed and healthy but that doesn't mean there isn't permanent damage to my psyche.

I've had a lot of conversations with my kids (now teenagers) about how I grew up and about healthy relationships and healthy choices.  If my father were alive, I would have absolutely no contact with him and I'm clear about that with my kids.  My siblings are, too.  I am happy to model to my kids what behaviors I expect of them - and that's to cut off anyone toxic regardless of who that person is.  When you're an adult, you get to choose who your family is.

Cut off your mother and mourn for the one you never got. [/quote]

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