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[quote=Anonymous]I am married to an alcoholic who has been in and out of rehab, multiple relapses, and hospitalizations.  I feel your brother’s pain.  A few things, some mentioned by others:

Re meds:  she should look for a psychopharmacologist with a sub specialty in addiction disorders.  DH has been sober for a year now, after relapsing 24 hours after coming out of inpatient rehab, and I attribute it to this dr.  12-step programs are terrible at dealing with mental health/dual diagnosis, so he came out and his anxiety hit him like a ton of bricks.  The specialist started with heavy meds to deal with depression and anxiety as well as cravings, and gave him vivitrol to boot.  It wasnt ideal, he was a bit dopey, but we’ve tweaked and ratcheted it back over the year and it was definitely better given his relapse history to go at it hard with meds.

Re AA:  PPs are right, tons of atheists in AA, and some meetings are more religious than others.  Sounds like she is making excuses.  Smart Recovery is also an option, but either way, she needs a regular program and people to keep her accountable.

Assuming she is trying to get sober, your brother should see a lawyer and get a post nuptial agreement with her.  He can basically ask her to commit, as a condition of him staying with her for the time being, to certain protections for the kids in the event they separate (things like using an intoxilock ignition kill switch on her car, sending breathalyzers before seeing the kids, etc).  A lawyer with experience with addiction can help him.  Courts are likely to give her partial custody, but if he gets her to agree now to these conditions, the courts will enforce them.

Most of all, he’s not alone.  It’s hell.  Best of luck.[/quote]

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