Reply to How to deal with family member who plays victim ALL THE TIME

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is this a financial need, or a financial kindness you’re griping about?

Her child’s needs must have been significant to get evaluated and diagnosed at age 2. On top of dealing with that, having your husband leave.

OP, did you know that having a child with special needs (both mental/behavioural and physical) is a huge reason that many marriages fail?

Her income may mean little if she’s been paying OOP for the therapies and help to get her apparently early diagnosable child the help he needed to now go to a mainstream school. That doesn’t mean that help isn’t still needed.

Is it really hard to hear her out and pat her on the back occasionally?

And the financial stuff.. I’ll ask again - are you being asked to pay her electric bill, or is MIL wanting to pay for something nice for her?

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She separated from her ex before the kid was born.  
We have empathy. We have helped her out. Paid over 40k in lawyer fee. Listened to her and MIL talk about her problems. She bought a house against my DH advice, even though she knew she needed money for kids therapies and lawyer fee (they fight over visitation) and owes us money. We have ignored most of her unacceptable behavior because we have empathy, never asked to pay us back for the ‘loans’. But instead of showing a tiny bit appreciation for our help etc, she keeps expecting more and more. [/quote]

That's a shame.  Look, Op, you and your family members helped your SIL out when she was in crisis.  That was very kind of you to do.  But this is hardly an indigent person nor are her problems all that unique.  She is very fortunate to have such a well paying job.  She owns a house.  Yet...she blows through her own money in no time flat and then looks to you for even more money.

Your SIL is terrible with money if she can't manage to make ends meet on 250K.  She is absolutely spending her money on extras for herself - clothes, trips, manicures, massages, nice furniture, etc.  She just is.  You owe her nothing.  If she can't manage to live within her means on an income like that she's got a serious problem.
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