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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Mom of a 14 and 18 year olds who are generally really good kids. We’ve never sent our kids to their room for such a talk. Typically the conversation happens at the dining room table. This is where we walk through what happened and then share what the consequences are going to be.

If we need space to think through the consequences, we take it. But we’ve never directed our kids to go wait in their room. [/quote]

Where are your other kids when this happens?

I guess part of it, is that I feel like my oldest in particular (he's the one who got in trouble today), deserves a little privacy.  I feel as though he doesn't need his little siblings watching.

To be clear, my kids aren't waiting up there for an hour, usually, Dad or I is right on their heels, and if we take some time, it's a few minutes.  [/quote]

I would send the rest of the kids (who weren't adopted) out to another area, like to play in the yard or in a playroom, or living room. You should let your new child be able to float around to see what happens or to go with the other kids, as they are ready.   Your new child will need to build trust that you aren't beating the crap out of the other kids, and that will take time. [/quote]

OP here, I could see that for something major, but my kids are young enough, and well enough behaved, that we’re talking super fast interactions.

To give an example of how it used to work, or how it works when my adopted kid is out of the equation, the last time this happened, before last night, my adopted kid happened to be sleeping because he didn’t feel well.  DH was also sleeping, because he had just come off a 16 hour shift.  One kid was doing homework, I was going back and forth between helping him and making dinner.

Youngest kid was playing a video game and started yelling at the screen.  I came out of the kitchen and reminded him that people were sleeping, he apologized and a moment later was doing it again.  Now, in my experience with him this isn’t malice or disrespect, he’s just excited and not focusing on what I’m asking so I step in front of the screen and tell him “Let’s talk upstairs” and put my finger to my lip.  So he heads up, I go back in the kitchen long enough to wash my hands, and by the time I get upstairs, he’s figured out what he needs to change, and apologizes.  I ask him if he wants to try again to play video games quietly, or if wants to do something else like legos and he says he wants to keep playing and I give him a hug and he’s back to his game.  Total time?  Maybe 90 seconds?  And nothing lingering.  We’re done.  Now if he yelled again, then I’d probably turn off the TV and tell him to find something else to do, but usually it works, because he’s a good kid who was caught up in the moment.

The thing with his brother was a little bigger, in that Dad imposed a separate consequence, which was no screens until he fixed what needed to be fixed, which amounted to less than an hour without his phone since it was almost bedtime and the thing was fixed the next day at school.  To me, making the whole household stop and rearrange themselves would just make it a bigger deal than it needed to be.

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