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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't think you should change things for your biological kids but should for your other child.  This kid also needs therapy if he/she was that badly abused.  [/quote]

Yes, he needs and gets pretty intensive trauma therapy.  Bio kids are getting less intense therapy, because even though they are basically healthy typical kids, getting a new sibling is a big adjustment, and a traumatized one even more so.

I think we need to work on this, not just because my one child doesn’t deserve to be scared, but because it’s no longer something that works for the family any more.  For example, last night Dad took DS1 upstairs to talk through something.  The whole thing was handled quietly enough that my youngest bio kid didn’t notice.  But when they came back down two minutes later, and DS1 realized that his brother was upset, he was devastated, and felt terrible because in his mind he “caused” his brother to be scared.  So with two kids in tailspin, the nice family dinner we wanted didn’t happen as planned.

I’ll also say that while I have worked really hard to provide continuity for my bio kids, they’re also pretty resilient kids, because they’ve had years of decent parenting to build trust.  So, if some things need to change because we are now a family of 5, that’s OK.  It’s not like there aren’t plenty of healthy ways to discipline kids.  We just happened to hit on one that worked well for a stretch.  I think that if I had given birth to a third kid, instead of adopting one, and it meant some changes in routine no one would think twice.[/quote]

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