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[quote=Anonymous]OP— I had a somewhat traumatic childhood— although nothing like what Aiden apparently went though. I think you have a great discipline system for other kids, and I wouldn’t change it, or AP would change it as minimally as possible.   I’m sure you have a psychologist or social worker, and I don’t want to play amateur shrink.  But, it seems like the issue may not be the bedroom per se, but the closed door.  Having BTDT, I know that sometimes imagining what is happening or worrying about what could happen can be very anxiety provoking.

We do pretty much the same thing as you, but usually talk in the den, which is neutral territory, and everyone can have a seat.  We tell our other child to please be on a different level of the house. So, they can go up to their bedroom or down the basement.  But, we have a lot of space in the suburbs.

Since you are working with less space, why not tell the offending kid to leave their bedroom door open while they wait?  That way you are being transparent that nothing bad is happening and Aiden doesn’t have to trust you not to hurt his sibling. He walk by and check for himself.  You can literally say- “I know you’re worried because bad stiff has happened in the past, so if you want to check on your brother or sister, that’s fine.”  And how about getting a white noise machine like doctors and therapist offices use and placing it outside the door when you can in and talk to the offending kid? That way, you can have a private conversation, and Aiden can know nothing is being hidden.  He can see that what he has built up in his imagination is actually a parent sitting there calmly talking to the kid. Hopefully if you do this for a while, by the time the older child is in high school, you can close the door to talk, and Aiden will trust that nothing bad is happening.

Can you also enlist you Bio Kids? Aiden may be more willing to trust them if they tell him you’ve never hit them. [/quote]

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