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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wow. The range of responses.

First: I will always support my girls to not be touched when they don't want to be, even by their father. In no case will i back him or anybody else up who thinks they have a right to touch my girls when they don't want to be touched. Period.

My children have commented on him taking things the wrong way and assuming I was getting on him when I was not.

Do I really have a preferred dishwasher cycle? No. That was a made up example of something I thought was simple and non offensive. Clearly I was wrong.

But I will take note of asking him to do things that are unnecessary and could be done whatever way he wants. I do actually think it is both partner's responsibility to do what their partner wants. So if he wants to load the dishwasher a certain way ... I do it because I don't care. And if I want the towels folded a certain way ... I fold the towels myself because he can't seem to keep them straight. And if I want thehouse warmer I put on a sweater because he tells me I'm wrong about the house being cold.

So. I will take note of being a nag. It probably was me.
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OP, don't take things personally. Your first mistake was coming here for meaningful advice. With that being said, maybe sit him down and say, "Hey, if I'm making you feel defensive, I'm sorry, that's not my intention. But I feel like we're not communicating very well right now, and I want to find a way to make things better." Hopefully he'll be amenable. If not, you can always fall back on therapy, divorce, lose weight, or have an affair. ;)
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There are two kinds of people in this world: people who tell other adults how to load the dishwasher and reasonable people.

I recognize that the dishwasher was a throw away example but your follow-up tells me that you sweat the small stuff too much.

Best kind of rice: the kind somebody buys.so you don't have to. Best way to load the dishwasher: whichever way the person who loads it sees fit.

Did you care what kind of rice you ate when you were dating? No, because you were happy to share a meal together.

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That you have focused on the dishwasher example is funny. I *don't* care how the dishwasher is loaded, it is DH who does and reorganizes it. I try to do it the way he wants, but regardless, he's going to reorganize it. And I don't care. He does a better job than I do. We actually don't get too focused on that. If DH has a certain way he wants things done, either I do it his way, or I don't do it at all, and leave it to him. And he the same way. For a few years I think he tried to change the way I did certain things, but eventually he gave up because he wasn't going to do them himself.  So I do not think it is that. It is getting defensive over things that make no sense.

BUT, you are right, I shouldn't take any of this personally! I do like to look for the good advice amidst the calls for lose weight and to give my DH a BJ. Because sometimes there is good advice. And in the meantime, I'll watch myself and see if I am nagging.

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