Reply to I can’t stand my 4.5 year old

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[quote=Anonymous]My son was difficult and my life was stressful besides that. I remember a few times when I did have the leisure and time (e.g. my first paid vacation in some years) to really focus on him and it was remarkable how much easier I found it to get along with him. Later he did turn out to have neuro issues contributing to psych issues (he was also very bright, although his WISC testing and other testing showed a lot of intra discrepancies).  So not getting the attention he needed was part of it. Underlying issues (the neuro dx) was part of it. I also think it was hard to get good advice on how to parent him (we started therapy and assessment with him when he was around 6 because the k teacher was saying ADHD a lot--which was not the underlying dx though. I had a therapist as well and it still seems strange in retrospect that neither his nor my therapist (both clinical phd's in a outpatient practice linked to an inpatient psych hospital) gave me substantial advice on parenting--and what they did provide was not consistent between the two of them!

Anyway, there is also something called dyadic therapy which looks specifically at parent-child relationship you might want to look into (have read about but never participated in).

Definitely think you need to seek out opportunities to clear your deck of other commitments and focus on connecting with your child. I would try to avoid making this high stakes--i.e. hanging out in the park instead of a structured event, and try to some extent to follow your child's lead. (I'm a big believer in dropping efforts to control difficult situations to let them play out and really pay attention to what's happening). [/quote]

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