Reply to I never thought I would have to do this - I just paid for my sister's rehab

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I assume that most people don’t begin their sibling relationship thinking “I’m going to have to pay for this kid’s rehab.” So I think it throws most people for a loop. [b]On the other hand: The stuff behind addiction doesn’t begin overnight. We can usually look back at events and trends in the addicted one’s ES through teen years and see the vulnerable places now as if they were marked with neon signage.[/b] Sometimes there’s widespread family dysfunction. My adopted brother was born exposed to substances. He could not self soothe throughout infancy and toddlerhood. By preschool, he had explosive rages and an ED diagnosis by age 5. This continued until he began self-medicating with pot in MS. He fell into harder drugs about 2.5 years ago and detoxed 3x as a prisoner. Another sibling is paying for his rehab without much hope of it lasting lifelong. The goal is to keep him alive through Christmas.[/quote]

I'm so sorry about your brother. I do agree with you, but what's hard to reconcile is the dysfunction in my family (I'm not OP) seems so mild, comparatively, to have produced such a damaged, addicted person as my sibling (who also detoxed in prison several times). I want to shake them and ask what was so horrible about our childhood and parents, who have their flaws and dysfunctions but worked so hard to do all the "right" things. Ultimately that's what terrifies me the most - that you can do your best as a parent and still have this happen. 
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NP, and my sister hasn't detoxed in prison, but her life has been a wreck for many years now.  Some of it is her crappy genes, some of it is the alcohol and weed she smoked in HS, some of it is the not obviously dysfunctional but still crazy-making dynamics she has with our parents, plus whatever else.  These things are complicated.  Our parents think they did their best, and they did, but their best was also pretty problematic for this particular kid (minimal oversight in HS, rewarding her dysfunction, coddling her to the point of eroding her self-esteem).  Yeah, things can happen and it's scary, but there are also things that plenty of parents do that aren't bad, per se, but are really off for a given kid.  Also, those parents with functional kids also have to thank their lucky stars, to some extent.  [/quote]

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