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[quote=Anonymous]OP back again - I appreciate all of the replies.  They've given me something to think about.  Honestly, I've never considered my family to be dysfunctional.  My sister suffers from severe anxiety, depression, and yes, she is a functional alcoholic. So I've always considered HER to be dysfunctional - not US.  But I see now I may have been deluding myself.

When my parents and my family are together we have a great time.  We are often with the cousins, as Sister will use our visit as a chance to leave cousins with my mom for "bonding", but that is usually a good thing.  We all get along well and enjoy doing things together.

When Sister comes along, sometimes things continue to go well but you can never anticipate a pothole, so to speak.

I am completely torn between the "self-respect" aspect of this and the maintaining of a good relationship with my parents.  Yes, they often choose her side, but they see it as she can't help herself whereas I can.  They do say she has issues and they have encouraged her to get help, but when she refuses, nothing happens.  Like I said, my mother needs Sister (and nieces) in her life.

I'm leaning towards going (anyone else but my parents in this mix would have me cutting them all off without question, but I cannot bring myself to do it with them so yes, I guess I'm a doormat with regards to them) and explaining to my mother that I will have no contact with Sister except for Christmas Day. I can stay close to DH and my kids.  Making this sort of demand will certainly ruin the dynamic as Mom and Dad tend to like big family outings (as do all the kids!), but it's either this or staying home. I think I would break my mother's (and my kids') heart if I cancelled.  Plus, I feel exceptionally selfish doing so. [/quote]

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