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[quote=Anonymous]	My problem with this situation is that op's husband is placing her in the role of bad cop. The responses on the first page bear this out.  Op is not wrong for wanting to hang onto money that is meant for her family to do anything they want, save it, have fun with it, go on a trip, go out on a nice date... the list is endless.

My husband used to be like yours. It was heartbreaking to see how hurt he was when people were interested in him only for his wallet. I got very tired of having my character called into question because I wasn't on board with his generosity.  I got tired of wondering if he'd ever collect. A few of the people he fronted money to truly frightened me, they lashed out, they hung around our house, they weren't people I wanted to associate with based on how they treated me.  I feared for my husband's safety, I was truly worried one of his "friends" would hurt him.  People who want money and who won't use regular lending institutions are scary.

Had we not had a come-to-Jesus meeting on this topic, I truly believe we'd have divorced. I am not a money lender, nor do I want to be one.  I don't have the physical and legal security of a bank.  I don't have the authority to collect, nor do I want to get involved in a small claims court situation, or several in order to get paid back. Know that many people will use "harassment" as a basis for legal action when you are trying to collect. I don't want to be married to a man who has a restraining order out on him because he's trying to collect from someone who wants to misuse the legal system.  It literally isn't worth the $$ to me.

People who owe you money will always rationalize as to why they can't or won't pay you back... "I thought it was a gift" "you have more then I do" "Be a good Christian and let it go" "I'll get it to you" the excuses are endless. The time spent trying to collect can put a pall on everything you may be doing or feeling.

You do need to tell your husband how you feel. Divorce won't solve all your problems, and only you can decide if this problem is one that divorce might solve.  It very well could, if only because your money and reputation would no longer be tied to your husband.  For me, I got tired of associating with people who were only interested in my husband because of his willingness to spread his wallet.

In our case, we stayed together, and he has stopped fronting money. We had to make some real changes and here's what they are. 
We only do volunteer activities when we are together. This way the organizations know us as a couple.  We go on date nights, my husband has finally figured out that it's a better value and more fun to spend money on us as a couple then random people who may or may not pay you back.  We talked, and I learned some things about his growing up years that helped me to understand why he felt fronting money was a good idea.  I am not ok with him doing it, I never was, but at least I understand what his experiences and thought processes were.   
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