Reply to Boyfriend of 1 year just sent me an article about a local swinger's party...

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The swinger thing seems unrelated to the marriage and moving problem. [/quote]

Agreed[/quote]

For me the two feel related because both are indicative of issues out of my comfort zone, both related to timing. Were we committed and longer term, moving would likely be in the cards, as would some physical stuff we haven't tried yet. Re: being in a rush, that's just it. I'm not. I'm very happy dating and allowing things to move along at a timeline that makes sense, esp bc we both have families. I brought up the marriage issue early so he understood my long term priorities, and the engagement issue recently due to all this discussion about moving. Not because I'm ready to commit to that. I'm not. But I needed to make it clear that big decisions (like moving) required bigger discussions about us, rather than talk about geography. That's some serious cart-before-the-horse stuff that really weirded me out. My singe life with my son here in DC may not be exciting, but it's hard-earned and solid, not some stock I'm looking to dump. I'd love to combine our lives into a bigger picture (not just to "give him a dad", but to build a family for us), but the picture has to make sense. [/quote]

OP- you're overthinking it. I'm guessing that when marriage and commitment come up in conversation, that you're the one doing the talking. Has he said, "I want to move in a year, and I want you to go with me as my fiance/wife?"

You two have been dating for less than a year- I recognize that you have an agenda, and that's fine, but he might feel overwhelmed with your pace and seriousness. He's trying to lighten things up by sending you the swingers party article. If you like him, live in the "now" and see if it's moving forward. Reassess in six months.

It's reasonable to flatly tell him you're not moving out of state with anyone but a husband--and leave it at that. If he wants to move, and he wants you to come with him, he knows what needs to happen...but stop with the talk, talk, talk. You're probably freaking him out. [/quote]

...and OP just to be clear, you need to back off the commitment talk if you like him *but* if he says he wants to move for his job in a year and he wants you to go with him, reply "I'm not moving unless I'm married. I have a kid, a job, and a life." Then, stop talking about it. He knows what he needs to do if he wants to be with you. Right now, you're coming across as "desperate" when you seem like you have it going on, raising a kid by yourself with a good job. Just give yourself some credit. You like this guy-- you don't need him. You both need to understand that. [/quote]

I logged on this morning to write pretty much this. There is a lot of power in just putting your intentions out there, and then being quiet. I know it can be hard, I’m a strong, vocal woman myself. But if you love this man, and you think he’s the one for you, let him come to you. You told him what you need. You love each other. It’s hasn't even been a year. Be patient and calm. Let him come to you now. [/quote]

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