Reply to Am I just chump-change with this cheapskate?

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[quote=Anonymous]I wouldn't be so quick to leave him without some very pointed and blunt conversations.  I would assess the relationship based on his reaction to the conversations.

I would set up some spreadsheets of my own detailing his contribution to expenses when he lived in your house, vs. your contribution in your house.  Then, I would have an overhead projector that shows, line for line, what he is expecting you to pay in his home, vs. what he paid in your home.  You could also tally what he paid, percentage wise, of the total household expenses when he lived with you, and show that in a bright color on the overhead projector, along with what he expects you to pay now.  Maybe go to a financial advisor and pay a few hundred dollars for assistance in coming up with all the necessary numbers.

Then ask him what is his big idea.

Personally, if I were in your shoes, I would follow up the above conversation with telling him that he should not expect you to pay for taxes, utilities, etc., until the numbers are evened out.  For example, you paid xyz over 10 years for electricity.  He paid nothing.  Now, he should not expect you to pay for electricity until his expenses have reached the same level, plus you should throw in a modest level in interest of 5% or so, which is what you might have been modestly earned if you had placed that amount in an investment instead of paying his share of electricity.  And on down the line with the additional expenses, including groceries if you paid for those.  I would not include the household goods into these equations. Once your savings equal what he saved in not carrying his weight (plus a modest interest) for all those years, then you can begin paying half-half.

See how he reacts to that.  See if he squawks and refuses to go along with what to me is a fair financial transaction.  If he refuses to go along with this arrangement until the amounts are evened so you both enjoy equal savings, I would then go to step 2, which would be to re-evaluate the relationship.  If you leave him, take all the household items that you paid for, or charge him what they cost you if he wants to keep some of the stuff.

Maybe he doesn't realize how uneven it all is, and needs to have it spelled out for him?

If you were married, you would pool your resources, wouldn't you?  If you're not married, why is he not willing to pool his resources with yours?  If he should die before you do, who is going to get his assets - his daughter?  That is fair enough, but will that leave you in the lurch?  Housing is going up, up, up.  Will you be able to acquire appropriate housing for yourself, if you have to move out of his property so his daughter can inherit it?  I would be discussing this subject with a lawyer who has a really solid background in finance and who can help you think of all the ins and outs of an arrangement like the one you have with your SO.[/quote]

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