Reply to If your parents divorced, what did they do RIGHT?

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Reply to "If your parents divorced, what did they do RIGHT?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My Mother did not involve us in her dating life or introduce us to guys she was dating. My father didn’t force the custody issue. My Mother was always the primary parent and divorce didn’t suddenly alter that dynamic. We wanted to be in what we considered our home and with the emotional support/safety that came with our Mother.  My Dad visited us, had dinner and we spent weekends with him.  I am so greatful I was not forced to divide time between homes. [/quote]
New poster who has a similar setup; thank you for verifying what I felt was right for my child.
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Its right for you, not your child.  A grandparent or uncle visits, a parent parents their child.[/quote]

I agree with the initial pp here. I was a child of divorce and my parents agreed that my mom would have sole custody. My dad got every other Saturday night and one weekday evening for a few years until he lost hist job and ended up moving into a place where we couldn't stay with him, at which point he got once or twice a week for a few hours. Before the divorce my dad had been a "good father" by the standards of the time in that he loved spending time with me and certainly could take care of my sister and I for a few hours, but he never had any interest in full time (or even half time) parenting. He left the house at 5:45 am each weekday to work out and go to work. Came home at dinner time, and spent an hour or two with us most days. He spent much of his time on weekends engaging in adult pursuits rather than structuring his days around the kids.

I love my father and have a good relationship with him but he was never going to really parent me, when he was married to my mother or when he was divorced. Had there been any attempt to give him 50/50 custody, or even 80/20 custody it would have been an unmitigated disaster. My dad recognized his limitations, recognized we were better off with our mother, and didn't try to get custody. My mother, to her credit, welcomed my father into our home for family events and agreed to any time he requested with us. They attended events together and my father never missed a dance recital, parent teacher conference, or birthday. He wasn't a grandparent or uncle who visited, he was my father, he just wasn't capable of the responsibility of day to day care giving. I've had lots of conversations with him as an adult and he fully admits this and expresses gratitude for my mother. While some parents will step up their parenting, many won't and really putting the kids first means acknowledging their needs and the parents' limitations, rather than blindly pushing for equal parenting time.[/quote]

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