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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You should read a little about object relations theory, OP.  There were several people who became very interested in this exact question following WWII.   Following the war, many children were institutionalized and grew up with their physical needs met, but did not have a primary caregiver.  Many did not develop the ability to attach or connect to others, and many other children died.  
There were several theories proposed at the time as to why, and these are still the theories we use today to help explain the importance of infant attachment.  And it isn’t just about the smell or about being fed.  You might remember Harlow’s monkeys.  There is something else about providing caregiving and nurturing that is important to babies and toddlers.

- an actual scientist
[/quote]

+1 from another scientist. Those poor baby monkeys with their wire “mothers.” :-(
I used to tell my infant, “you are smiling at me to increase my oxytocin levels so I’ll want to keep taking care of you.”  In a baby-friendly voice, of course. 
I do know a couple of families, though, where the traditional mother/father roles are switched. I don’t mean regarding who WOHM. The father is the nurturing one, the “default parent” doing most things for the kids, the one the kids seek for comfort. The mom is more like a stereotypical “fun dad.”[/quote]

OP here - yes I know the baby monkeys study, I always feel so bad for those monkeys!  I was just partially pondering if this b/c we have a tremendously loving nanny and she spends more awake hours per week with my kids than I do, but I still very much hold the "mom" place for them (and they're very young so don't yet understand the details of nanny vs mom in anything beyond an emotional way).  I was thinking that maybe its because I'm the one there 98% of the time when they wake up and go to sleep and just the consistent day in and day out presence but moms I know who travel a lot for work or work weird shift-type schedules and aren't necessarily there day to day still generally have that stereotypical "mom" status.  And adopted children typically feel the same towards their moms so it's not some imprinted from birth thing (I don't think...but I'm interested in the science of it!)[/quote]

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