Reply to If your parents divorced, what did they do RIGHT?

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Reply to "If your parents divorced, what did they do RIGHT?"

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[quote=Anonymous]It's so important to own your choice to divorce and take responsibility for it.  Life will be in some ways easier or happier, but it will also bring new problems and sadness.  Own your choices within the marriage.  The best thing my dad ever did was tell me he knows he was a bad husband in some ways and that he is sorry for it because the whole family is bearing the consequences.

As your children grow, they will understand and grieve the divorce in age-appropriate ways.  Be mentally prepared for this and don't expect them to get over it quickly.  The divorce will be old by the time they marry and have children, but the experience they are processing will be new for them and happening in the present.

Do NOT rush dating and remarrying.  Your children are at a very sensitive age.  When they settle in to a new normal, that does not mean you should throw everything into transition again.  Don't believe the BS that kids just want theie parents to be happy.  Don't expect them to care about your new partner or that person's children at all, because they probably won't.  Deluding yourself about new relationships is a mistake a lot of people make.

Understand that you have just given up half of your grandchild time.  Don't pressure your adult children to drag their toddlers through an exhaustinf holiday travel routine so you can have what you would in an intact family.  Understand that they must care for you and your ex separately as you age, and it will be far more expensive and difficult for everyone.  Accept this as part of your choice to divorce and be understanding of the difficulty it places on your children.  Try to save money.[/quote]

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