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[quote=Anonymous]We now live overseas in a flat with just one bathroom. So, if 14yo DS leaves his stuff everywhere, it impacts everyone in the family. I have a once/week housekeeper & have her clean everything including his room. It’s for my sanity, not his. DH & I are quite neat with our things & the house is clean most of the time, save for DS’s room and the bathroom after he uses it.

One very recent change that we have implemented was well-received and is starting to work: We’ve increased his overall chore requirements.

Until now, he’s largely gotten a pass on chores during the week, on account of heavy workload and other obligations. But we realized that this has created a really toxic dynamic where he felt entitled to have everyone pick up after him.

We assembled a list of all normal daily chores and basically told him he’s old enough to contribute to the functioning of the house and that we expect him to shoulder his weight as a member of the family. He gets first dibs at the list each week, but has to sign up for at least 2 daily things, one of which is tidying his room. If it’s critical (ie feeding the cats) & he doesn’t get to it, DH & I will do it for him & give him an extra task (whatever we don’t feel like doing) that must be done the next day. If that means he has to plead for an assignment extension or skip sports, so be it.

Somehow this has helped him feel like he’s part of a team and less ‘picked on’, and therefore less resistant to participating.[/quote]

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