Reply to Question about boundary stompers

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Question about boundary stompers"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I think people sometime miss the point of “setting boundaries”- ideally they are not to “keep people out” but are instead to keep relationships healthy.

Take the scenario of the newlyweds with in-laws coming by unannounced- if the adult child doesn’t set this boundary, what happens next? The spouse becomes resentful and feels disrespected , potentially leading to problems in the marriage and/or more problems with the in-laws. It’s much better to speak up in the first place and say “this doesn’t work for us”, which may be an adjustment for the ILs initially but shouldn’t lead to lasting problems. unless the ILs are boundary stompers.

We live across the country from both sides, and as our nuclear family has grown, now stay in hotels. Neither of us likes staying with the in-laws (or frankly even our own parents at times) so this works best for us for various reasons. Yes, the families were not thrilled about this arrangement but they have adjusted over time. Staying at a hotel keeps us happier and keeps both our marriage healthy, and our extended family relationships healthier. If we felt forced to stay with them (because we were afraid to rock the boat) we’d be cranky and resentful and it would hurt relationships- and we’d likely visit less and for shorter times. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics