Reply to My parents' behavior in public embarrasses me (yes, I'm an adult)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So, you have them babysitting?  Are they doing other things for you too?  Can’t really have boundaries with people you are beholden to.

Also, can’t have boundaries when you act like a doormat.  Just tell them they aren’t invited anymore because they insult other kids and that’s not acceptable.  Stop being so frightened of the fallout.[/quote]

OP here. We give them first right of refusal and have babysitters that we use as well. They babysit maybe once every few months and have always said yes when we ask. They will often ask to take the kids for a night. It’s only when I start pushing back on their behavior that they start with the “we don’t always have to be available when you ask us to babysit...” to which I reply “You in no way have to be. If it inconveniences you in any way then feel free to say no and we have a babysitter ready to go.”

I don’t know why I’m so frightened of the fallout. I think it’s because I have to hear about how they are selfless and would do anything for their kids and grandkids and I’m just an ungrateful selfish brat (yes, we’ve gone down that road before). They are incapable of reflecting on their own behavior to see that it’s inappropriate. They see it as just me picking on them for no reason.

[b]I guess I need to revisit this topic in therapy because clearly I’m not handling it the way I should be. [/quote][/b]

Yes. Immediately. Also, consider why you want your kids to have a close relationship with such toxic people. What if DC learns these bad habits from the grandparents? DC might benefit from being more sheltered from them. Maybe a quarterly visit in your home would be better? My paternal grandma was toxic in a different way. My mom explained the situation to me in MS and demonstrated what good boundaries look like. It helped me spot potential MIL trouble in two different boyfriends. My actual MIL is a gem, because my mom turned lemons into lemonade.[/quote]

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