Reply to How to cope with mother who is needy, emotionally abusive, and manipulative? (LONG POST)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your mother is mentally ill, doesn't see it and won't treat it, and she's done a number on you in the process.

Get to therapy. Go see someone who knows about hoarding, as that will cover a lot of related ground (ADHD, anxiety, depression, etc).

Your mother is never going to be happy with your relationship--or possibly even happy at all. Nothing's going to change that without her getting treatment.

As sad as that fact is, let it be freeing. Live your life the way you wish. Have holidays at your home, go where you want to go.

A good friend of mine has a very similar mother, but does not live locally to her, thank goodness. She finally told her mom to expect weekly calls, not daily, and if she kept calling constantly (as she had been doing) not to expect the weekly call. It took awhile, but it worked, and now my friend occasionally even enjoys conversations with her mom.

You can do this too. [/quote]

This is fascinating-I kept thinking my mother wasn't a hoarder, because her stuff is mostly well-kept though it crowds the entire house, and you can barely walk through it without knocking everything off tables, walls, etc. I didn't realize that the hoarding is a manifestation of the other problems. I also really, really wish I could get up the nerve to tell her I will call her once a week or even every other day! She calls multiple times a day, and I usually send the first 2 into voice mail, but she just keeps calling! I would love to have a holiday at my house without the drama of not including her. Every event with her included turns into a major multi step, convoluted craziness. (So and so has to pick up the turkey, and she'll cook some at her house, but then her friend's brother's wife is going to make a cake, etc, etc, etc.) It's so weird to me that everything has to include as many people as possible, with her being the ringmaster. I have done therapy in the past, but never able to keep it going. I think I need to make it more of a priority.

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