Reply to I feel like I’m losing all my friends in my 40s

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I actually found that I grew closer with some friends once my kids became teenagers and less of our time revolved around monitoring/organizing what our kids were doing. These friends were usually the moms of my kids' friends, or neighbors, or friends of friends. I had to put in some time to cultivate these friendships in an environment outside of our kids' lives, but it was worth it.

I would suggest starting some semi-regular thing to do together. A friend and I started a monthly book club. She invited another friend (so, bonus, I made a new friend!) and it became a monthly thing. They're really more about getting together and having a glass of wine and talking than they are about deeply discussing the book, but it is something that keeps our get-togethers consistent. Otherwise, with our busy lives, I don't know when we would ever see each other.

I have a couple other friends that I try to get coffee with every so often. Another friend of mine (a neighbor) and I try to get together to walk our dogs together and chat when we get the chance.

This doesn't mean that I don't think that my 40s and 50s have definitely been lonelier and less social than my younger years. It has meant adjusting my norms to having social gatherings to once or twice a month instead of once or twice a week. It meant that I now have a smaller circe of people who I actively see and spend time with consistently. It meant a lot of my friends have no become "Facebook" or "text every once-in-a-while" friends. HOWEVER, that doesn't meant that all hope is lost. It just means that you need to be more proactive about cultivating friendships outside of your kids and be willing to put in some planning.[/quote]

Op here. Thank you for this. I went from seeing these friends multiple times per week to a few times per year. It doesn’t help that we moved 20 minutes away as did others. I have one friend who I literally used to see 5x per week at the bus stop, at school, walking over to just chill. We have gotten together twice since we moved. It doesn’t help that her husband travels for work. I have a friend dealing with infertility that I can’t seem to be there for no matter how hard I try not to talk about my three children. Two close family friends are going through divorce and separation. List goes on.

One also big difference seems to be financial with a few friends. DH and I grew up poor and now have a high HHI. I try not to flaunt or ever talk about money but I almost feel like some old friends seem resentful when they are trying to save for a home or can’t go on vacation.[/quote]

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