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[quote=Anonymous]I lost my mom when I was in my early 20s.  She died of cancer at the age of 53.  In a way, her death was a (guilt-inducing) relief because my siblings and I couldn't bear to see her in pain any more.  It's been 17 years and I still miss her - think about her nearly every day - but I've been able to accept the fact that she's no longer with us. Part of it is the passing of time, and part of it is that life goes on whether I want it to or not. I had (have) to continue living my life even though she's no longer here.  It's not always easy.  I still get very sad around Christmas, the day of her death, her birthday, and Mother's Day. But I believe she is somehow with me in spirit.  I occasionally talk out loud to her as if she's in the room. I'll see or hear things that remind me of her and sometimes it feels like it's her way of telling me that she's here. I take comfort in those little moments and feel grateful that I was able to have her as long as I did.

Like a PP, my life feels divided - life before she died, and life after. I didn't finish school or meet my DH until after she died, so everything about my life today didn't even exist when she was alive.  It's been so long since she died - and my life has changed so much - that I can't really picture what life would be like today if she were alive.  What would our relationship be like? What would she think of my DH? My kids?  I honestly never thought I would feel this way.  I vividly remember thinking at the time that I can't even picture life without her.  Now here I am, wondering what life would be like WITH her.

I don't fear death.  I am acutely aware of it, especially as I approach the age my mom was when she died.  I have less than 10 years to go until I hit that age, and all of the screenings and early-detection tests have begun.  I do get anxious death only if I stop to think about not being there for my own kids.  I just hope that when it's my time, I will have lived long enough to see them become happy, resilient, and independent adults.

OP - you will find your way again - somehow, someway.  Take one day at a time.  [/quote]

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