Reply to "Ghosted" a friend a few years ago and can't put it behind me

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Reply to ""Ghosted" a friend a few years ago and can't put it behind me"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Relationships are for varying lengths and reasons. They can be about a reason, a "season," or a lifetime. It sounds like this friend's season has past; you grew apart. Pretty much everyone in their 30's and 40's has drifted apart from a friend or several. Honestly, I'm really proud of people who can stand up for themselves and for their values. A lot of people fall into the trap of believing that they can fawn their way out of getting treated poorly by someone with bullying or abusive tendencies. [u]Avoiding and detaching are much better ways to go.[/u] Your assessment that confrontation would not have been useful is accurate.

A trap that empathetic people fall into is that setting reasonable boundaries is "mean." Women, in particular, are often conditioned that we have to be "nice" at all costs. Yet, you still have a duty to keep yourself emotionally safe and not to waste your time with people who do not respect you. So what would "nicer" have looked like in your situation? I think white lies like "We're fine," and "I'm busy" are for the best, particularly if someone is emotionally volatile and may respond unpleasantly to a more direct response like "I just don't want to hang out any longer." I love the saying "You don't have to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm," meaning there's no reason to sacrifice your wellbeing to make someone else, feel better, particularly when that person is in the wrong. [/quote]

Disagree.  I think it's a character weakness.  If that person didn't harm you (and it sounds like in OP's case she just didn't like the way her friend perhaps treated others), it's just taking the easy way out.  Spineless and cowardly, just do what's easiest for you and who cares how it impacts others.  That's not exactly a great character either.  It's like any relationship--break up.  [/quote]

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