Reply to Please help me figure out if I am either the biggest crutch or a total bitch to my adult kids

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Reply to " Please help me figure out if I am either the biggest crutch or a total bitch to my adult kids "

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[quote=Anonymous]Ok so here is the real deal, OP:  Your kids will not change, and will not start cooking a meal 1-2 nights a week per 21:31's suggestion etc.

And you will not change either.

The dynamic is set, so you need to get them out of your house.  It doesn't matter that one is working nearby so "it doesn't make sense" for him to move out.  It DOES make sense, because financial or logisitcal is not the only consideration...GROWING UP and BEING INDEPENDENT is more important than the "on paper" considerations.

So get them out.

Many with kids out of the house will tell you that their 30 y.o. is super neat at their own house, but when they come back to their parents' home, it's like they are 16 again and they are messy.  It's because those patterns and behaviors are linked to the geography...linked to the house and people (their parents).  They go back into that environment and they behave in the old way.  So recognizing this should make you understand that in your situation, it would take a mountain of effort to change them if they are still at home.

Separately, a small thing to do to help with the meal situation, in the meantime, is to make the meals at say, 6pm, and put them on 3 plates (DH, and one for each son) and put them on the stovetop, with a clear glass pot lid over each plate (so they can see them).  And let the plates sit and whenever they want to eat, they go pick it up, like in a cafeteria.  So you are done with making and serving dinner by 6pm and leave it there and don't hover.  You can get the dirty dishes in the morning or at a set time (like 9pm).  I've done this with my teen kids, who all have crazy schedules, and it has really helped me.[/quote]

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