Reply to My husband just doesn’t get it. Barely engages with 8 week old.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Such a mixed bag of a post here!

1) I see his point on wanting to be spoken to with some courtesy. It takes very little effort to go from, "here's the baby change him," to "hey I need a break can you change Henry?"

2) He seems generally pretty dismissive of how you're experiencing this major life shift and you should definitely tackle that before a  lifetime of lowered expectations set in

3) Half a sleeve of saltines and cheese is up there with lightly fried tuna in amazing DCUM-isms

4) You sound really overstressed and should consider or at least look into whether you are having some PPD. And this isn't an attack on you, just that if you have PPD a lot of things can feel SO MUCH worse. If your husband is reacting to you having a sharp and demanding tone a lot, its possible you are snapping and depressed and not even realizing it. Like I said, this isn't meant to be critical AT ALL, just something to be aware of, as every mom 8 weeks PP should be!

5) It shouldn't get him out of diaper changes or basic parenting responsibilities but guys really do seem to have trouble with little little babies. My DH has always had his bonding with the kids blossom around 9 months or so when they start to get super active and interesting. That doesn't mean he didn't do any feedings or diaper changes though! [/quote]

THe point with having to ask him nicely is that it suggests that he is doing her a favor by babysitting his own child.  He isn't doing her a favor, because it is his child too.  She shouldn't have to ask at all.  He should volunteer.
8 weeks is not too little for you to simply leave the house for an hour or two on a Saturday.  Let him deal with the child on his own, and the sooner the better.  This is why men get paternity leave in Scandinavia.  When she returns home, she should NOT thank him for babysitting, or tell him he did a great job. She also should make sure she leaves some pumped milk, but shoudl not otherwise organize his afternoon, the baby's clothes, activities, etc.  It needs to be on him.[/quote]

PP here. I am clearly team OP for the most part. But I disagree. Talking to each other with courtesy is a sign of a good and healthy and mutually respectful relationship. I always ask politely when I need something from my husband, even if he should have alraedy done it, and he does the same for me. That creates an atmosphere of mutual respect that helps stave off resentment.

Asking isn't pre supposing he's doing her a favor. It's just being respectful, no one likes to be ordered around. I clean the kitchen and fill up the dishwasher every night because its my chore. If my husband started ending every dinner with, "hey clean the kitchen woman" I would be extremely irritated even though I already had every intention to do so.

Asking shows respect and appreciation and IMO starts a mutual circle of respect
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