Reply to 42, not married, have always wanted to be, and now thinking

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Reply to "42, not married, have always wanted to be, and now thinking - why? Is marriage really that great?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m divorced with kids, about ten years your junior. I think marriage is valuable - can be valuable - when you think of it not in terms of romance or love, but partnership. Of course, chemistry and sex and attraction and fondness are wonderful (and important) in marriage, but the value of a good marriage is what the partnership enables each individual to achieve, and what they can achieve together. I think these kinds of marriages are in the minority, but are what people who do marry aspire to.

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I agree that the partnership is valuable. I got married in my late 30s to a guy in his mid-40s, and we've been married for about 8 years now.  First marriage for both, no kids. I'd been very happy as a single, so I was nervous going into marriage - such a big CHANGE - but I'm even happier married.  In addition to love, romance, and all of that - I gained a wonderful life partner.   Financial partnership - we're BOTH better off by pooling our money.  Emotional partnership - we've leaned on each other pretty hard during parental illnesses and deaths in the family.  And just general partnership - having another adult around makes lots of things in life easier (pet ownership, dealing with car repairs, fixing the overhead light, etc).

A couple of caveats:  my DH is a highly responsible and hardworking person, so he makes my life easier.  I might very well feel differently about this if I'd married someone who was out of the workforce and/or refused to do chores around the house.

Also, neither of us brought kids into the relationship.  Being a step-parent is a whole 'nother ballgame.  I have a couple of friends who got married (for the first time) also in their late 30s or early 40s, but they married divorced guys who had partial custody.  I think that those friends are also happy in their marriages and also even enjoy and love the (step)kids, but are very open that being a step-parent has added an additional level of stress to their marriage.  It's hard.[/quote]

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