Reply to Did You Have A “friendly” Divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You ask my parents their divorce was friendly.  Used a mediator no fighting....ask us kids...it was devastating [/quote]

I think in some ways amicable divorces are more confusing and potentially in some ways more devastating for kids because they are less aware of the necessity of the split. My parents HATED each other and so the divorce was painful but also VERY CLEARLY less painful than if they had stayed together. The need for the divorce was painfully clear even to me.

If people keep it friendly and together and drop the divorce on the kids than it comes out of nowhere and feels really much more unexpected and I think has a tendency to shake the kid's faith in their observational skills and grip of reality.

If I were in a situation like this, knowing that in the long run its WAY better for the kids when things are amicable, I would really try to sit down with them and talk about the reasons more than one might think is necessary. And that doesn't mean talking badly about spouses. But to make it clear not just that they aren't to blame but what was hidden from them, that what they did not see was intentional. Otherwise they are likely to think, 'why didn't my parents try' or 'what did I miss' or 'how could I have not known this was coming?'

I guess just understand that this blows up their life and its much easier to deal with something that blows up your life if you understand it than if you are just completely baffled and blindsided by it. [/quote]

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