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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm sorry, and I can only imagine how difficult this is for you to hear that there was kindness directed at others but something very different directed toward you.

My husband's now-deceased mother was probably one of the most toxic people I've met. She was in a never-ending cycle of estrangement from her siblings; she constantly berated and put down her husband while simultaneously acting like a victim; she was entirely conditional in her love for her child; she made incredibly hurtful, cutting comments and being around her was an exercise in waiting for the bomb to drop. She was selfish, cruel, and unrelenting in harming the people around her.

Yet at her memorial gathering, we heard countless office mates and casual friends/acquaintances share stories of what a kind, generous, supportive woman she was, what a dear friend, how loving, how incredible, and oh, what a loss it must be to her family to lose such an amazing woman. It was like we were at the funeral of an entirely different person. It was...baffling.

So, it can certainly be the case that a person has very different faces. I think it's easier to show your "best self" to others for tiny little increments of time, but much harder to hide your true self. Or maybe it's just easier to be your worst self to the people you think will always (eventually) forgive you. I don't know, but please know you're not alone in experiencing something like this. It hurts.[/quote]

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