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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He is being very sensitive and he has to toughen up. [/quote]

I think both of these can be accurate...AND neither matter all that much if he has in his mind that how he has been treated is "emotionally abusive" b/c that just means you need to do a better job of communicating to your kid. Some of how he is feeling is on you, OP.

As another poster said, it may be time to ask yourself if your tactics are actually helpful. The yelling, for example...Maybe examine why this happens. Is this your first/only tactic of addressing his behavior when he veers off path? Or is it after 2-3 calm attempts with no response that you find yourself resorting to yelling as your only means of getting through to him? If the latter is the case, you might explain to him "Larlo...I hear you saying you feel that when we yell at you, it's abusive. We don't want you to feel that way. And, truly, we would actually prefer to take corrective action without escalating to yelling. Particularly when I've asked you to turn off the video game 3 times and get ready for bed, what do you think we can both do to help in those situations before it reaches such a high point of frustration?" Then LISTEN to his response.

I think the main thing here is to listen to what he's saying, reassure him that you don't want to create a relationship where he feels he is enduring emotional abuse, and then clearly communicate to him in a way that helps him connect HIS ACTIONS with what happens to him. (This is, of course, assuming that you are NOT emotionally abusive, but that maybe he just doesn't see his part in this whole dance. Sometimes kids feel like "they're just picking on me" because they have somehow failed to connect their own actions to consequence. As a parent, you need to help him see that. But also, be willing to step back and look at the family dynamics from his perspective and acknowledge if what he's saying holds some truth. If it does, commit to being more mindful of follow-through when the little one oversteps just as you do with your DS.)[/quote]

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