Reply to Do you feel the number of children you have was a joint decision?

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Reply to "Do you feel the number of children you have was a joint decision?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So many people answer “the no vote wins”, but that type of language and thinking automatically creates two sides instead of a unified front. We currently have different opinions about adding to our family, and I really just want us to find space where we can both acknowledge one another, feel seen and heard and come to a place of agreement, even if that means “not getting my way”. [/quote]

(I'm going to assume in my response that you want another child. Apologies if this is incorrect.)

I think you are fooling yourself. One of you wants another child. One of you doesn't. There is a fundamental disagreement. There is no compromise or "unified front" to be had. What there is is someone being convinced to do something that they'd prefer not to (or, that they really, really, really don't want to).

What does it mean to feel acknowledged, seen, and heard on this? Is he telling you you really don't want another? I dunno, I suspect deep down what you are really saying is: "If he understood how important this is to me, he'd agree to have another child." This is a lot like a teenager who says, "You don't understand!" when in reality it's not that I don't understand. I just that I don't agree with you.

You want another. He doesn't. That's the beginning and the end of it. Seriously. You can argue and cajole and attempt to persuade. But doing too much of this is doing exactly what you think he is doing to you: Not acknowledging your feelings, not feeling seen and heard. [/quote]

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