Reply to is it normal for college kid not to have friends?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Maybe buy a book on social skills to read over the summer.  This summer could she work with a Cognitive-Behavioral therapist on strategies to engage the people she eats meals with to go do some things out, like see a movie or watch shows together or study?  That seems like a good place to start.  They could come up with a number of strategies and ideas for invitations and role play how to ask.  Would your DD say she has social anxiety or is she at all depressed?  [/quote]
She's just a shy kid, a little awkward- super friendly, kind, and easy to get along with but is just quiet and [b]isn't great at putting herself out there.[/b] Also an introvert who needs alone time, which can be a bit of a challenge.

Also a bit overweight and had to get braces summer before starting college- braces come off in July and she's hoping to shed some pounds this summer so maybe that will help with confidence. [/quote]

The bolded is all the more reason to try the above suggestion regarding CBT. Sounds like she just needs a little help to build her confidence and strategies to take risks and make plans with people. My DC is like this. DC has an underlying expectation that peers won't want to hang out and there is fear of rejection. There may be more at play than just "shyness": fear of rejection, low self concept, perfectionism, lack of strategies or ideas or stock phrases of how to initiate, etc.

[/quote]

Totally agree with the above and I have a DD in a similar situation. She has many acquaintances and is involved in many clubs and activities so "putting herself out there" isn't the issue. It is more about having a difficult time translating these group interactions into true friendships. She also assumes that others don't really want to hang out with her and fears the rejection. She has been seeing a therapist this semester which seems to really be helping her self esteem and confidence though she has a long way to go. They are also working on specific social techniques. She had to realize that once she meets someone she wants to be friends with, she has to follow up and ask them to lunch, or to study, or whatever instead of waiting for them to take the first move and assuming that they don't like her.

In retrospect, making friends has been an issue her whole life but she had a great group of friends from childhood so she never really had to work to make new friends. When she got to college, she really didn't know how to recreate those types of friendships and actually has to learn some skills that others learn naturally.[/quote]

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