Reply to How to tell my mom to stop talking about my marriage and DH

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I was you.  I didn’t want to pay for childcare so I had my mother stay with us.

She was terrible.  She is mentally ill and I had not really understood that before.  After she left DH and I are so much happier and have a much better sense of well-being.

Somehow she did not damage our marriage because we took a very “us against her” posture (again having her there was sort of stupid) but she would do what she could to stoke fights between me and DH, she was constantly insulting and criticizing both of us.

I mean, is the money you are saving really worth it?[/quote]

Me again.  The posters advising you to confront your mother when she makes these statements do not really understand how some mothers have a bulldozer mentality and will not change.  Your mother does not understand healthy boundaries and will not adjust her behavior no matter what you do.  You either have to let her leave or disregard everything she says in real time.

My relationship with my mother was permanently damaged when she lived with us.  I don’t think I will ever be able to look at her the same way after I saw how manipulative and nasty she could be.  DH and I only became stronger because we commiserated about what a huge nightmare she was.  You need to rebuild your intimacy with DH, which is a separate issue from removing your mother from the home, but very related.  Why aren’t you telling him how much you resent her behavior?  Why aren’t you both sharing in the solution for your childcare problem?  This is what a partnership is supposed to be.[/quote]

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