Reply to The reality of loosing a parent

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]They most ring true for me. But #6, I don't know. I lost my mom over a year ago. Loved her dearly but it wasn't until just months before she passed that I came to the realization that she'd been verbally abusive most of my life. Of course there never was a chance of confrontation/resolution.

For me, grieving for her has been a very strange mix of missing her terribly and aching for her, and reliving some of her biting/critical comments, and feeling so disconcerted in the process.[/quote]

Do you have flaws?  [/quote]

Realizing this type of thing when you have time to process it and accept your parent when they are alive is one thing. My mother died when I was in my early 20s and it took me years to realize how her parenting affected me. So now I’m stuck with this with no way to ask her why she did certain things, or what she was thinking. It’s lonely to work through it by myself and might be easier if she were still alive. I also think she would have been a much better grandparent than she was a parent, and I grieve for that loss. It’s all complicated and yes, we’re all flawed. That’s one reason it can be so difficult. [/quote]

That does sound hard--perhaps there are still aunts/uncles or perhaps close friends of hers you could get insight from? My mom was one of those complicated moms, and can't say we ever really "processed" our relationship per se but I do have a collection of memories of things she said--often bits that surfaced in conversations that were about something else completely--that helped me put together a picture of who she was before she was my mom and also what challenges she faced raising kids. [/quote]

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