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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I have a sibling with a whole host of psychiatric disorders.  [b]Your instinct to focus on your family, etc., is a good one, and you'll need to hold fast to it.
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[b]You need some support, whether it's from a NAMI support group, therapy, etc[/b].  Don't respond to messages from your brother unless it's convenient and they're appropriate.  You can come up with a list of local resources for him, but he and his wife need to sort things out on their own.  So, provide the name of the psychiatrist with whom you've been in contact, and back off.  In some ways, it's easier that he's so far away; my sibling is local and the boundary intrusions can be out of control sometimes.
[b]
This stuff is exhausting and draining.  Hold those boundaries.[/b]
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This.  ESPECIALLY the bolded sections.

I have similar challenges in my family and I've been in therapy, which has been tremendously helpful for me in learning what healthy adult relationships could and should be, versus what I experienced growing up and therefore continue to subject myself to now.  In case it's helpful, here are a few things that are touchstones for me:

- My first, most important priority is my own nuclear family.  Setting boundaries around what I want my kids to experience and expect is much easier than setting boundaries for myself but I'm helped in the process.
- I cannot make another adult do anything they don't want to do, become someone they are not, or take my advice.  Nor can I get groups of adults (like parents, or spouses, or entire family units) to behave differently.  Any time and energy I spend on that kind of futile activity is wasted, and is a huge emotional and psychological drain on me.
- There are things I can do - and I will offer and do those freely if my offer is accepted.  That might be researching options, offering a listening ear, taking kids overnight, sending a meal, saying a prayer, handling logistics around family gatherings that typically would be shared, etc...  What I can do may not be what my sibling wants, but that doesn't mean my offer isn't valid or generous.  Nor does it mean that my sibling's demands are appropriate or reasonable.

Two things my therapist always tells me:
- Changing my behavior to more healthy, appropriate, adult, boundaried responses injects health into a dysfunctional family system.
- The guilt and outsize sense of responsibility I feel for others in my family is a function of the distorted dynamics of my family.  (When I examine my emotional reactions to chaos in a sibling's world, versus the dynamics I have w/ my closest friends in supporting them through hardships, it becomes immediately apparent how distorted my "lens" is around my sibling.)

I am glad you have geographical distance, clarity on not sending money, and a nuclear family of your own to help you draw some lines in the sand.  Hang in there and trust your instincts to protect yourself and your immediate family from the ongoing craziness in your brother's world.[/quote]

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