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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ive made it very clear to my kids (22, 28, 31) we will not put our retirement at risk. What I am happy to offer that isn't money is free housing if necessary (move back home not me paying your rent) and free childcare.  Those don't cost me money, they cost me space and time and that's something Im still willing to give freely since it doesn't put our future at risk![/quote]

My parents did the same for me and my siblings. However, my brother - the middle child - seems to think he is entitled to continual help from my parents into his mid 30s. My parents have financially bailed him out so many times and he still thinks he deserves more. He can't hold a job, can't ever get in a financially stable state (and he has a wife and a teenage son). If it wasn't for my parents, my brother would be in jail and his mentally ill wife would be homeless.

So while you can set firm boundaries, not all your kids will listen. My sister and I did remarkably well living on our, balancing college/work/student loans, and now raising families in homes that we bought ourselves without parental help. My brother? He's acting as if he was raised in a completely different family.

It's really changed some of my views on the nature vs. nurture debate.[/quote]

Is it possible that your brother also has some mental health issues? Parents who have adult children with mental health issues have different considerations from parents with mentally healthy adult kids. You can’t just abandon adult children who are struggling through no fault of their own- and health insurance is not hugely helpful with mental health issues. 
[/quote]

He definitely has mental health issues that he refuses to treat, let alone get diagnosed. He's a military vet and has all the resources you can imagine via the VA.....but he just won't avail himself of it. Other people are the source of his problems, never him. The delusions of grandeur and mental health issues have really come into plain view over the last 12 months. It's almost degenerative.

Believe me, we were never raised to have such an entitled mindset. It was drilled into our heads from an early age that we had to work hard, that our parents wouldn't do our homework for us or argue with a teacher about a grade, and that we needed to understand the consequences for our decisions. We knew early on that "life isn't fair" and therefore we need to forge our own path. We didn't get an allowance and we all had part-time jobs in HS to save for education expenses and pocket money. I remember getting a beat-up 30 year-old hand-me-down down car from my uncle for my 16th birthday and my parents told me that I would be responsible for my share of the house's car insurance payments. That's the kind of upbringing we had.

My point is that you can raise all your kids the same, instilling the same values. My brother received adequate punishments when he screwed up throughout his youth - he was not left off lightly. But he seems to have never learned any of the lessons from those incidents. I'm on the verge of becoming a parent and I think we need to keep in mind that at the end of the day, so much is out of our hands. A lot of life is due to genetic luck. And it's not the parents' fault, so long as you tried your best.

Seeing the agony my parents are going thru with my brother, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. And I'm now less judgmental about sh#t that happens. So many folks did their best to raise good healthy families, but sometimes nature just wins out. [/quote]

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