Reply to accepting that sister doesn't like me and we will never be a "family"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My sister lives about 35 minutes away and we have kids of similar ages. We recently moved and we are closer to her, location wise.

[b]I had this fantasy[/b] of 1x a month dinners, play time, etc. I grew up in a nuclear family (3 kids, 2 parents) and my parents are still alive and married, but [b]none of us are close[/b] and speak regularly. I really, really want a "family" (like Parenthood!). I have tried, but the effort is for nothing and it is exhausting me emotionally. I need to cut my losses. I have, a bit, and I do feel relief.

I am processing coming to terms with this. Recently, I tried for weeks to get us together, but she said she was busy, etc etc. Then she posted a whole bunch of photos of them with their neighbors, having a blast. We weren't invited, of course, and more so she told me she was busy all that day. It was sort of a punch to the gut, AND a HUGE wake up call. She doesn't want to spend time with us.

[b]I was just hoping we'd morph into friends and family and our dislike for each other would be overruled [/b]by good times and family love. It was made abundantly clear to me the minute she shared those photos that it isn't going to happen for us. Ever.

I just have this desire for a "family", and it isn't happening. We are blessed with great friends and an idyllic life. It is time to really move on, and accept that maybe we will see each other 4x a year for our kid birthdays and Christmas, but never to "hang out".

Please be kind. Anyone been in a similar place?

(we can't afford therapy so I'm turning to DCUM). :) [/quote]

What you wanted was a fantasy.  By definition, that's not real.  You weren't close to your siblings, you apparently don't even like each other, but you hoped that this would all magically change because you live closer.  You are into a specific idea of family, but that's not the family you have.  I think you have to accept that this was only ever just a fantasy, and focus on your real life.  You and your sister don't like each other--you don't like her, you like the idea of a close sibling relationship.  But that will not happen in the absence of genuine liking.  She thinks that 4x a year at birthdays and holidays is plenty.  Do you really want to spend your time with people you don't like, just because you're related?  Do you really think that this would make you happier?

If your kids are still little, it's possible that they will want more time with their cousins as they get older, so the dynamic might change.  But it won't change just because you live closer to each other and so suddenly became the friends you never were.   [/quote]

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