Reply to Guilt over having an only child

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[quote=Anonymous]I have an only too, due to unexplained secondary infertility.  Pregnant with my daughter on the first try at 35, then started TTC #2 at 37 and spent the next 5 years doing infertility treatments and trying on our own to have a second.  I never had a single pregnancy in all that time.  We gave up when I turned 43 and decided to make peace with never being able to get pregnant a second time.

I'm an only myself as well.  I did not like being an only and didn't have a great childhood.  However, my parents did not know how to raise an only--they were very isolated, didn't have any friends themselves, didn't encourage me to have friends, didn't sign me up for any sports/activities, and I didn't get to do fun things growing up, just boring things like spend my weekends going to art galleries and fancy restaurants with my parents.  I spent most of my childhood watching TV alone.

Compared to how I grew up, my daughter is having an amazing childhood.  We've signed her up for lots of activities on the weekends so she's always around other kids.  We have made friends with lots of other families and do playdates or entertain often.  We vacation with other families.  We always do kid-friendly trips.  We have worked hard to give her a wonderful, fun childhood filled with lots of friends and socializing.

Now that she's getting older, she does sometimes say that she's lonely, which is difficult for me to hear, because I felt that way all the time as an only.

I feel like we did everything we could to try to have a second, and nothing worked, and I'm trying to move forward and make the best of things even though I always have the feeling that our family is incomplete.[/quote]

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