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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My ex would have had to admit what he did, expressed remorse, cut off all contact with his affair partner (including transfering jobs or resigning), provide me all access to his accounts, and start  individual therapy on his own to find out why he decided to cheat rather than use his big boy words to tell me what he was going through and why he was struggling.

Then I might have entertained marriage counseling. But the trickle truth, gas lighting, and displaced anger focusing on how horrible I was doomed it from the start.

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I feel like I could have written this word for word. [/quote]

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Plus he would have had to try and win me back regardless of the chances instead of putting his feelers out on any possible acceptance of blended families. He would have had to come clean to the OW, too instead of keeping that option for probability that I wouldn‘t reconcile. He would have had to accept that no matter what happend after, he has taken away a big deal of our child‘s hapiness and innocence instead of shifting responsibility to me by trying to get me to do exactly what he wanted and selling it off as best-for-the-child. He would have had to jump at the opportunity of the plan (pps first para) and not take one week and a talk with his best male friend to see how lucky he could consider himself of having been offered. Too bad for him because now he has to follow the plan anyhow except that the prize to win is now reduced to going from no contact with me to face-to-face contact when picking up his kids and regaining a shed of respect and acceptance by his own parents.

As advice for the cheater: come clean to everyone involved, accept and admit the additional burden through gaslighting and emotional abuse, if kids involved see an individual therapist and listen to people who went through divorce as children to put some understanding and truthfulness behind your apologies and actions. Good luck. I have respect for any cheater who really faces up and tries.[/quote]

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