Reply to Being the spouse of an educator

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, stop conflating issues. You keep coming back to this problem being related to education. It’s really about your last paragraph. He’s putting his family second. You feel dismissed. You feel like second string. It doesn’t matter whether you love your job or have a 5 minute commute. He’s not available, and he’s continuing to disregard your requests. Again, it’s time for a serious sit down. [/quote]

Remember, you can’t force him to change jobs, cut back hours, or ask for raise.  However, he can’t force you to keep a job you hate with a long commute and be the default parent.  Be upfront and say this isn’t working and it’s not fair.  You can’t give your all to your job, like he does, because you have the bulk of childcare and long commute.  You want to the opportunity to be equally as passionate about your job or at a minimum have more enjoyment.  If he isn’t able to free up some of the pressure on you, then the other option is for you to look for something closer that you would still enjoy - but that  pay cut.  So let’s run the numbers and see the wiggle room.  Also, when you start a new job, you will need him to be more hands on with the kids because you can’t necessarily take off time or leave early as you are settling in and learning the new job.

Also if you haven’t already, carve out time for yourself on the weekend - even if it’s Sunday mornings or afternoons.  He is on deck with the kids and in the beginning make yourself scarce whether it’s the library, coffee, working out, errands whatever.  Let him know ahead of time as in “do you want Sunday morning or afternoon as your time and I’ll get the other half.”  So you ensure you both get free time.[/quote]

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